OH BOY...WAS I WRONG!
Firstly, the place was called "Style With Sam'...and a chick answered the phone and i made the appointment - all good so far. Visions of chrome mirrors and rows and rows of brightly coloured products danced in my head.
I pushed on.
I turn up, look up and down the street, seeing nothing but a barber....ok, don't rush to conclusions Leah, perhaps it is 'out the back'...
I pushed on.
I go in...the strong smell of male cologne hits me right between the nasal passages and I almost collapse like a nervous bride on her wedding night.
I pushed on.
I see a man. Oh! what grooming he has. His beard was sculptured around his strong jawline like a ugg boot on a bogan...contoured to every curve and looked bloody ridiculous but you kinda see them everywhere. I see another man. Young, hesitant and dressed head to toe in black combat gear.
I pushed on.
A young woman comes up to me. Oh..see I was right - it is ok, there is a passageway into the secret world of female beauty...all I have to do is follow her and paradise will be found and glory is mine.
I pushed on.
I follow her towards a black reclining chair near the sink, which while looking perfectly innocent will transform me into the goddess I am, I just needed to sit and allow the 'pampering' to begin. This chair is NOT in a comforting female womblike room, but tucked up against a wall surrounded by Canterbury Bulldog posters and signed Bulldog jerseys and the 'piece de resistance'.. a Bulldogs clock. In this same room are old men. Some are sitting and waiting for their number 2 haircuts, some are discussing with passion the clever antics of the Bulldogs football game from the weekend and some are sleeping, I think, or he was dead, too close to call.
I pushed on.
What?...where is she going? Why is the young man walking over here in his combat boots and mean sneer. A firm hand pushes me down into the chair. Sounds sexy huh! Now, I have no issue with men...especially in traditionally female roles etc, I had the most amazing nurse in hospital once who was male and he was fantastic and I was open to this experience... gotta go with it sometimes, right????
I pushed on. (Oh, at NO point has he spoken to me..at all)
A towel is draped around my shoulders, my hair is gently gathered up and I slide into position against the basin and my eyes close in anticipation of that certain bliss that happens when someone washes your hair.
Oh. My. God.
Ice cold water is all I can feel. I wait, thinking that he will adjust it. nope. Water is in my ears, my face and I assume on my hair. Shampoo is applied, the fingers are firm and my hopes are raised that the 'bliss' with happen. Rinse. Repeat. Ok, the conditioner is on, the fingers are on my scalp, the moment has arrived....come on Commando, let's ride this sucker! I can only describe what happened next as a bummer - he poked and prodded and kinda moved them around quickly and with no rhythm... made me really pity his girl/boyfriend.
I pushed on.
A grunt instructs me to sit up and move over to the, wait for it......LEOPARD SKIN chair in the other corner of the man cave. A token People magazine is placed haphazardly on the small table in front of me, how convenient if I wanted to look at nipples and bikini'd women while getting 'pampered'.
I pushed on.
He speaks. In a guttural strong Arab accent..'You want layers, yes?'. Umm, no, just a trim. I had decided the hair cut was too risky, I know, this was my first smart decision today, but I still had to convince the Grunter. 'Just a trim please'. 'layers, yes?'. 'No...a trim, small cut'. I grab my hair and show him how much to take off...
He grunts.
I pushed on.
I now have hair which is cut like when you cut too many pieces of paper with scissors, you know how it pushes some out longer etc...well, that is me today.
I pushed on.
Now for the blow dry. I have longish straight hair and it is pretty easy to blow dry my hair - but this guy showed my some moves that I have never even envisaged before in all my years of getting my hair done.
Firstly, he slung the hairdryer around his neck like a snake and proceeded to section off my hair etc. he grabbed a brush and went to town. He was so enthusiastic with his curling and pulling that I think I lost hair and he grimaced everytime he started a new section. Seriously, this guy had to rest TWICE, he was shaking his wrist like I had just beaten him in a arm wrestle or something. Maybe I have super dooper strong hair?
I pushed on.
It was done. I was finished. He was panting like he had just gone 10 rounds with Mike Tyson and I walked out looking like $24. Now to find a real hairdresser and curl up in her womb like room and get it all fixed.
Oh and I found out the Bulldogs won.
OH....a very funny Post Script...a message from a friend...
Oh Dear, someone should have told you, Sam (real nam HasSAM) is the Bulldog's ball boy who's uncle's brother in law got him into hair dressing to fill time between his kick boxing tournaments up Belmore way.You should have gone for the layers, he is better with a razor than he is with scissors.
BAHAHAHAHAHAHA
OH....a very funny Post Script...a message from a friend...
Oh Dear, someone should have told you, Sam (real nam HasSAM) is the Bulldog's ball boy who's uncle's brother in law got him into hair dressing to fill time between his kick boxing tournaments up Belmore way.You should have gone for the layers, he is better with a razor than he is with scissors.
BAHAHAHAHAHAHA
