And so this is Xmas..........

Did the big fat arsed red suited man jump down your chimney and deliver your heart's desire....nope...Me neither....

What is all the crapola about Christmas...now I don't wanna be a party pooper but it just kinda sucks as an adult. 

I remember when I was little it was so frigging exciting - Putting the tree up and decorating it all our crap we made at school like paper cut out lanterns and paper plates with cotton wool balls for Santa beard etc...oh it was so hard to get to sleep the night before and the thrill of getting ready to going to visit Santa at Roselands shopping centre in my best dress....oh the wonder, the joy, the anticipation....It was a marvellous time.

Where did it go....????

Oh yeah - that's right...I grew up.  Where does the magic go when you grow up..Why do you forget about the joys of faeries and elves and trolls....and Santa.  Maybe because we have to make room for Harry Potter...

I might sound odd saying this, but I really really really want Santa to be real.  I believed in Santa more than I believe in God.  Think about it, what has God given me for Christmas....never anything wrapped in pretty paper and bows.....he never once gave me a massage voucher - just gives me guilt and a overachieving son...oh yeah - like I need another man....especially one who wears sandals and disappears after 3 days behind a rock...Nah, sorry - not my kinda guy.. Santa however, he has toys and reindeer and the most magnificent Grotto!  Who doesn't want one of them....

Now...December comes with stresses of grocery shopping for special dinners, visiting in-laws and relatives you don't normally see, dealing with crowded shops and cranky people in the shopping centre, lack of parking spaces and the agony of wondering if you have enough of anything and everything....It is simply exhausting and painful...

So instead of taking the eternity it used to when we were kids it now arrives to quickly and it arrives at a most inconvenient time - right between the Electricity and Water bills. 

Ho Ho Ho and See ya next year....

Is this a relationship or just a status update...

I have been married for 18 years.  In basic terms this means I am in a relationship.  


My mum has been married for 46 years.  She is in a relationship.  

Now my daughter has been going out with her boyfriend for 1 week and according to her Facebook SHE is in a relationship.  

WHAAAT!  

Ok, now this is hilarious...

There are six relationship categories Facebook users can choose from: single, in a relationship, engaged, married, it's complicated, and in an open relationship.

Well, I certainly don't wanna see any mention of an open relationship on her page - however there does seem to be no relevant category for 'just hanging together and getting the occasional hickie'.

Whatever happened to terms like ....'got with', 'going round with', 'hooked up'.....  Nope, we know go straight to the relationship.  

Remember back in high school when we wrote little notes to our crush and threw it at them in the science lab while we made water boil....now that was romantic...nothing says love like a smeared, piece of paper ripped out of your maths book with 'Wanna go out with me?' written on it.  It worked occasionally however I think it was just because there was a chance of touching my boobs more than wanting a RELATIONSHIP!

Times have certainly changed - now instead of the soggy paper bomb - now the guy just finds out through a girls facebook status change.  Now, that is complicated!

Oh bring back those days.......


Ok, gotta go and change my status to 'Married but still have to put out the garbage bin myself'.....

'Blog requested by M.....hope you like it....

Down we go........

It has happened.  I am old.

When did the life of the party go to another party and "forget" to invite me?

What ever happened to the bright shiny person with the bubbly rocking personality?  Lordy, she is now tarnished and dull and the bubbles are now just drool on my chin....

Damn - when did life become so adult and real.

So, I turned 40 earlier this year, it was celebrated and acknowledged - almost like a pagan blessing of time passing, however something disastrous has happened between June and December.  

Yep..the first grey "down under" hair.  

I can hear the loud cacophonous cries of "TOO MUCH INFORMATION LEAH" however alas, no, it is not, I fear this blog must be written as a warning which I feel morally obliged and propelled to share and you, my minions must learn from it.

Oh glorious was the day when the hair 'down there' made its way to the surface, bursting through with youthful exuberance and with the golden shine of newness.  Soft, downy and it was obviously lonely so it bought some friends home and what started as one quickly became two and then unfortunately there was strong resemblance to my Nana's parsley bush!

With it came the sense of pride, shame and excitement.  I was one of the first of my friends to gain "bush" status.  It was a big deal.  Boobs were SOOOO yesterday, and like it was in 1989 Bush was IN!

Are you still with me???  Hang in there....

Now over the years there have been many styles of form and function and after having two children I lost all sense of dignity "down there" anyway and quite often would offer to show it to people if they were wearing a white coat and a medical background.  This has proved disadvantageous now my local chemist man refuses to serve me.  Oh well..plenty more where he came from.

So the thought that "down there" is now looking more like a forest of ghost gums than lush parsley bush makes me feel like I am nearly grave bound.

Now, this is not all.  Oh No!!  The body beautiful has up and revolted.  There is drooping, sliding and and embarrassing noise making which can occasionally be blamed on the dog and even then he looks at me suspiciously and he is deaf.

Oh where did youth go?  So, I have taken it upon myself to warn you.  Yes, you..you young things out there.  It doesn't stay.  So make the damn most of it while ya got it.  

So I am heading into my middle age with grey hair, sagging tits and a shitty attitude..

Wanna make something of it....